Beyond Pink and Blue: An introduction to gender diversity for Suzuki music teachers

From Barbie: When my child Aris was 10 years old, they told
me they were transgender. I was confused and not sure what to
do. Aris wanted to change their name, use different pronouns, and
connect with other transgender youth. In order to support Aris
during this time, I used Dr. Suzuki’s words as my guiding principle:
“If humans would recognize respect in each other and exchange
expressions of love more, the world would be a brighter place.”
I thought of myself as an open-minded person, but living with a
transgender child forced me to confront my own biases and explore
ideas that were uncomfortable. What I realized eventually was that
my child deserved my love, attention, and acceptance more than I
needed my old way of thinking.

If you don’t know any people who are gender diverse,
meaning people who experience their gender as different
than was assigned at birth, or even know much about it,
you are not alone. The 2020 Netflix documentary Disclosure
cites a recent study in which 82 percent of the people polled
in the U.S. believe they do not know a transgender person.
And yet, the population of people who identify as gender

diverse is large and growing, even among children. Accord-
ing to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 2.7 percent of

teenagers identify as transgender or gender nonconforming.
That is more than the number of people who have red hair
globally. All Suzuki music teachers will likely work with
gender diverse parents and kids soon if they are not doing

so already. Furthermore, your relationship with a student
may literally be life saving. The Trevor Project surveyed over
40,000 LGBTQ+ youth ages 13–24 and found that more than
half of transgender and nonbinary youth have seriously
considered suicide. When there is at least one accepting
adult in their lives, their suicide rate decreases by 40 percent.
“When we acknowledge and celebrate the diversity of
genders and gender expressions in the world, we create
more space for everyone to be authentically themselves,”
explains Eli Conley, a transgender music teacher. As parents
of gender diverse kids, and as Suzuki piano teachers, we have
written this article to share what we have learned about
gender diversity and to suggest some best practices for our
Suzuki music community.

Learning from Our Children
From Katie: I am a piano and voice teacher, and have four
children, born in the 1990s and early 2000s, including one adult
child who is gender fluid, and one who is a transgender woman.
Growing up in a musical household, my kids all learned to sing and
play multiple instruments. From them, I learned many valuable
things, including a lot of what I know about gender.
Our child Maria (24) is gender fluid, which means they experience
their gender as changing and containing both female and male

elements. When they were 19, they let
us know that their preferred pronouns
are they/them/theirs. Maria had been
interested in gender and sexuality from a
young age and chose it as a major in college.
During their high school and college years,

I enjoyed discussing what they were study-
ing, and reading the papers they wrote. I

found it awkward at first to use they/them
pronouns, and I still make mistakes and
have to correct myself. Maria has been
gracious about appreciating my efforts,
and it has gotten easier. They are now in
graduate school pursuing a master’s degree
in counseling psychology.

Even though I knew about gender diver-
sity from Maria, I still had a lot to learn

when our daughter Diana (27)
came out as transgender. Assigned
male at birth, she grew up as a
male-identified child and young
adult and had never spoken of
feeling different than other boys
and men. A year ago, when she was
26, she let our family know that she
was genderqueer, or not defined as
either male or female. She started
using they/them pronouns, and
expressing herself in more feminine ways,
such as wearing dresses, make up, and
styling her hair. A few months after that,
she told us that she was changing her name,
pronouns, and appearance to female ones,
because she identifies as more woman than
man, or as a nonbinary trans woman. She
could no longer tolerate living as a gender
that didn’t feel authentic. “I finally realized
that happiness is not optional,” she said.
Since coming out, Diana has blossomed, as
she has been able to express more of who she
is, including her full range of emotions and

her unique wisdom. I have also seen her un-
dergo real struggles as she has transitioned

socially and professionally (particularly as
a baritone with a master’s degree in vocal
performance). While making essential gains,
she has also suffered losses of some friends,
colleagues, and work opportunities. She is
currently rebuilding her life and creating
art through songwriting, recording music,
writing, and podcasting.
More from Barbie: I teach piano and
‘ukulele, and I raised two children in a

musically rich environment, not aware of
gender expansive identities. My older child
Tenzin plays the cello and my younger child
Aris sings and plays the piano and ‘ukulele.
Because both were assigned female at birth,
I just assumed I was raising two girls.
When Aris told me at age 10, “I’m not a
girl,” I wanted to support them, so I started
reading books and articles about gender
diversity, finding books for them to read,
and talking to experienced parents and
educators. After a few months, Aris told our
family that they identified as transgender
and nonbinary and began going by they/
them pronouns. Being nonbinary means

not identifying as male or female. Some-
times, Aris feels more masculine, some other

times more feminine, sometimes a mix of
both, and sometimes neither.
Soon after Aris came out, I happened to
meet the Alphabet Rockers, a children’s
music band that was recording an album
called The Love featuring gender expansive
musicians and songs honoring transgender

and gender nonconforming identities, di-
verse racial and cultural identities, and the

power of friendship. After meeting Aris, the
band invited them to sing back-up vocals on
the album, which was later nominated for
a Grammy. This led to Aris performing with
the Alphabet Rockers around the Bay Area
and Los Angeles, an incredibly affirming
and positive experience for them. Aris is
now 12, just graduated from Piano Book
Four, and continues to make music daily.
Having a nonbinary child has been
eye-opening. I realized that our world is
very much divided into “girls and boys”
and “ladies and gentlemen.” Almost all
characters in books, movies and television
are cisgender males and females. There are
virtually no trans or nonbinary characters.
Talking to family and friends has been

awkward at times. While the use of they/
them pronouns seems harder for older
folks and rolls off the tongues of younger
people, I am touched that so many people
who care for Aris work hard to use the
correct pronouns.
What Is Gender, Anyway?
Gender is a way of describing who
we are as a person, and in society,

that goes beyond biological sex, chro-
mosomes, and hormones. It is a

deep self knowledge that can only be
determined by an individual.
Many people are cisgender, which
is to say their gender matches
their sex assigned at birth. Most

cisgender people feel comfort-
able with their gender, and

they express it to the world
through their dress, grooming,
and pronouns.
When a person’s gender does
not match their sex assigned at
birth, they may be transgender.
Some transgender people seek to
harmonize their internal knowledge
of themselves with their external
experience. This process can be long
or short, easy or difficult. It may or
may not include hormone therapy
and gender confirmation surgery.
It usually involves changing names,
pronouns, and coming out to others.
Some people experience themselves
as neither female or male, or both.
They may identify with terms such as
nonbinary, gender expansive, gender
fluid, and/or the all-encompassing,

reclaimed terms queer and gender-
queer. They may express themselves

by making androg ynous, neutral
choices for clothing and personal
grooming. Alternately, they may feel

comfortable using elements of tradi-
tional masculinity and femininity in

combination, or in a series.
When pronouns such as she/her/
hers and he/him/his feel inaccurate,
they may ask people to use they/them/
theirs pronouns for them, or other
options like ze/hir/hirs.

Gender is:

• A personal identity that encom-
  passes more options than fe-
  male or male. Gender can be

described as a spectrum or a

galaxy, with a wide, even infi-
nite, variety of experiences.

• A person’s experience whether
  they express it or not. Gender
  diverse people are not always
  comfortable or safe coming out.
  We can’t always tell a person’s
  gender from their appearance.
• Often expressed through
  clothing and grooming, and

pronouns (such as she/her/
hers, he/him/his, they/them/
theirs or others).
Here are a few things gender is not:

• Sexual orientation (like hetero-
  sexual, lesbian, gay, or bisexu-
  al). Gender is not who you love,

it is who you are. As a result,
gender identity may develop
earlier than sexual orientation.

• Binary. Gender is not only fe-
  male or male. Many cultures

and historical eras have recog-
nized people as having three or

more genders. While our cul-
ture tends to erase or not see

other options, they have always
been present and are integral
to society.

• Fixed. Gender may stay the
  same, or it may evolve, or
  even be experienced as fluid
  and changing.
  Music Studio Best Practices
  How can music teachers navigate
  this new world of gender? We think

of Dr. Suzuki’s words of encourage-
ment, “Where love is deep, much can

be accomplished.”
Consider humanity, privacy, and
safety
Clearly, our gender does not affect
our humanity. Humans come in
many different sizes and shapes,
and genders vary too. Some gender
diverse people will want to share
their stories, and some

will not. Privacy is im-
portant to all of us, and

gender is a very per-
sonal issue. In addition,

be aware that people
who do not conform
to traditional gender

norms may face hostil-
ity or safety concerns

in their communities.
It’s important to check
w it h a p e r s on w ho

is gender diverse before sharing
personal information about them,
including pronouns, since they may
not be “out” with others.
Use pronouns with care
If you are asked to use new pronouns
for a person, it is important to do so. It
may take some effort, but it will make
a big difference to the person asking.
Words have the power to define us.
Imagine how strange it would be if
people used the wrong pronouns for
you, for example, “he” instead of “she,”
or vice versa. Wouldn’t you want to
correct the speaker?
If you are asked to use they/them/
theirs pronouns, lean in and do your
best, and stop and correct yourself
when you make a mistake. Keep in
mind Dr. Suzuki’s observation that
“knowledge plus 10,000 times is skill.”
Use they/them pronouns just like you
already do, as in, “Someone left their
sweater on the chair.” Think ahead
and practice for public speaking, such
as introductions at recitals. “They are
playing… by their favorite composer…
Please welcome them.”
Trans-identified therapists and
authors Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John
Barker explain, “It can feel very painful
and uncomfortable when somebody
misgenders us. . . That is why it’s so
important to check in with people
about their own sense of gender, and
to do our very best to refer to them in
ways that affirm that.”
Pronouns are an essential way we
feel seen and heard. Besides taking

care to use someone’s correct pro-
nouns, you can also add your own

pronouns to your signature at the
end of your emails, or to your name
on Zoom. This helps normalize the
fact that we don’t know a person’s
pronouns until they tell us.
Pay attention to language and
assumptions
It’s a good practice to use gender
neutral terms whenever possible. This
assures gender nonconforming people
feel included and helps everyone to

stop thinking in terms of traditional
gender norms. Instead of “boys and
girls,” say “children,” “students,”
or “young musicians.” Instead of
“ladies and gentlemen,” say “people,”
“esteemed guests,” or “music lovers.”
(Note that all languages have different
challenges for inclusivity.)
When teaching group lessons, avoid
dividing students by gender, which
may make some students confused
or embarrassed. Instead, div ide
the group by counting off, by birth
month, rolling a die for odd and even
numbers, or other options. This lets
everyone feel included and supported.
For in-person lessons, classes, and
events, it is important to have gender
neutral bathrooms available. If you
teach in a school or church setting,
you may need to put up a sign to direct
people to “All Gender” or “Gender
Neutral” bathrooms. Make sure a
private space is available for everyone,
regardless of where they fall on the
gender spectrum.
If you require a particular type of
dress code for your studio events,
such as a formal recital, give general
guidelines that apply to all genders.

For example, “Please wear formal at-
tire such as a dress shirt, slacks, dress,

or skirt. If your hair covers your face,
please pull it back. No athletic shoes
or ripped attire.” This allows students
to choose a manner of dressing that
is congruent with their sense of self.
Recognize the cultural
contributions of trans
and queer people
Teach music by composers of all
genders, and feature performances of

them. Suzuki musicians share a com-
mon curriculum of important classics,

and it is also important to supplement
it with music created by composers
beyond the traditional canon. For a
starting place, please see our resource
list, and for more ideas, research and
share what you learn with others.

Suzuki Music and
Societal Change
Awareness, flexibility, and openness

to learning are the keys to fully inte-
grating people of all genders into our

musical lives. Decades ago, Dr. Suzuki

encouraged us to change music edu-
cation, based on the conviction that

“every child can learn!” This inclusive

vision inspires us to keep pushing be-
yond our comfort zones and traditions.

During this time of reckoning for
racial justice, we invite you to expand
your awareness of gender diversity

as well. Let us recognize that barri-
ers exist that exclude gender diverse

people, as well as Black, Indigenous,
and people of color, and consider how
we can do more to listen to and include
everyone in music education. Working
together, a better world is possible.
Resources
Here are some starting places we
recommend to learn more about
gender diversity.
Movies

• Gender Revolution: A Journey with
  Katie Couric, documentary movie
  from National Geographic, 2017.
• Disclosure, directed by Sam Feder, doc-
  umentary movie from Netflix, 2020.

Websites

• Gender Spectrum: https://www.
  genderspectrum.org
• PFLAG: The United States’ largest or-
  ganization for LGBTQ+ people, their

families, and allies, https://pflag.org

• Trans Student Educational Re-
  source, https://transstudent.org
• The Trevor Project, https://www.
  thetrevorproject.org
• MyPronouns.org, https://www.my-
  pronouns.org/

Articles

• Jack Turban, “Hannah Is a Girl.
  Doctors Finally Treat Her Like
  One,” in the New York Times Sunday
  Review, April 8, 2017, https://www.

nytimes.com/2017/04/08/opinion/

sunday/hannah-is-a-girl-doctors-
finally-treat-her-like-one.html

• Eli Conley, “Creating Gender Liber-
  atory Singing Spaces: A Transgender

Voice Teacher’s Recommendations
for Working with Transgender
Singers,” www.eliconley.com/blog/

creating-gender-liberatory-singing-
spaces-a-transgender-voice-
teachers-recommendations-for-
working-with-transgender-singers

Books

• How to Understand Your Gender by
  Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker

Katie Perry, has taught
piano and voice lessons
for over three decades. A
graduate of the University
of Southern California, she
performed professionally
as a classical singer, before becoming a music
educator. Katie has completed courses at the Holy
Names University Suzuki Piano Teacher Training
Institute, the San Diego Suzuki Institute, the SAA
conference, and the first Suzuki Conference of the
Americas in Cancún, Mexico. Katie teaches piano
and Suzuki Early Childhood Education from her
home studio in Sebastopol, California.

Barbie Wong is a music
e d u c a t o r , s p e a k e r ,
consultant and Suzuki
piano teacher. With music
degrees from Stanford
U n i ve r sity a n d S m ith
College, Barbie gives workshops to parents
and teachers and writes a blog called “Musical
Nest.” Barbie’s work is instilled in the belief that
everyone has the capacity to learn music and
is especially passionate about teaching parents
how to raise joyful and musical children. Having
taught over 150 music students spanning various
ages and backgrounds, Barbie’s two decades of
teaching experience also includes five years of
homeschooling her two children, one of whom
is transgender (non-binary). She is passionate
about honoring the whole child perspective by
promoting sensitivity and the individuality of each
child. Barbie has played Hawaiian ‘ukulele with
J-Town Hui, performed tango music with Orquesta
Z, and played classical music with the Accordion Chamber Ensemble.