Transformation Relationship – Deep Love

As is surely true for many of you, Dr.  Suzuki’s saying, “Where love is deep,  much can be accomplished,” is fre quently part of my daily thoughts.  In musing on those with whom I  work in my studio, thinking of each  one, I sometimes find myself falling  short in the deep love department.  One student’s challenges have been  particularly puzzling to me this year.  I think I am loving the child and  their family, but not much has been  accomplished. 

As I step back to consider this, I am  reminded that it is my responsibil ity to find a way for this student to  accomplish much. Instead of ap preciating the child’s uniqueness, I  was instead trying to fit them into  my vision of what kind of student  they should be, and how they should  learn. I was pounding the proverbial  square peg into the round hole. We  were both feeling frustrated and  impatient, like failures.  

My experience with this child is the  result of a transactional rather than a transformational relationship. 

Transactional versus transforma tional relationships: this idea was  introduced to us by Kay Collier  McLaughlin during the 2018 SAA Con ference. Dr. McLaughlin is familiar to  the SAA as teacher, parent, guide, and  inspiration. Her work speaks power fully of courageous community and  relationship building.  

Transactional relationships use  people for their gifts or talent. This is  akin to vending machine mentality.  Deposit money, receive item. I’ll do  this, and you do that. I’ll do this if  you do that. I will only do this if you  do that.  

Transformational relationships  focus “on the message not the task. The  focus is to simply love, inspire and care  for the other.”¹ This is what I want my  lessons to look like, for students and  families to experience. 

In contrast to the give and get sce nario of the vending machine is the  striving to genuinely give the best to  every student, truly appreciating their  personhood. We love them deeply,  moving them closer to the unique and  

marvelous adult they are designed to  be—even when it feels like wrestling  with a porcupine. 

We focus instead on the message:  Every child can! You can. How may  I help? 

In shifting toward the goal of loving,  inspiring, and caring for this prickly  student, lessons are becoming much  more productive. Instead of “you do  this and I do that,” transformational  relationship has begun to transform  us both. 

And I am reminded: How many  times has someone thought I was the  porcupine? 

For the happiness of children, Dr. Beth Cantrell 

Endnotes 

1. Freddie Scott, “Transactional vs Trans formational Relationships,” Freddie Scott  Blog, Nov. 3, 2014, http://freddiescott. org/transactional-vs-transformational relationships/