Birth Order and Its Possible Implications in Music Lessons and Music

Our Suzuki Method teachings allow us to work with families for the long term. Over time, we are able to notice the dynamics of the relationships between the student and the parents and among the siblings. The following article, based on my own observations and the findings of psychological researchers, describes how relationships among siblings can depend upon the typical traits associated with the order of birth. We will discover how these traits might be expressed in private lessons, group class lessons, and performance situations. Then, we’ll look at a few scenarios in which lessons might be optimized for students, teachers, and parents with regard to birth order. 

What is birth order? 

The order in which one is born in the family can lead to certain personality traits and provide some clues as to why someone might “act the way they do” (Leman 1999, 15, 67). According to Kevin Leman, birth order traits and a child’s personality are set by the time a child is five or six years old (Leman 1999, 15, 61). The following descriptions illustrate traits that are typical for each birth order. However, birth order is not an exact science. Many variables can exist within families that may debunk the typical behaviors, including the gender of the children, spacing of the births, mental differences, multiple births, blended families, deaths, and adoptions (Leman 1999, 54). In addition, there is ongoing research to indicate that diverse cultures may have some differences in the birth order traits as well (Wu, Kim, Nagata & Kim 2018).

Teaching firstborns

There are two types of firstborns, according to Leman: children who are compliant nurturers/caregivers and those who are aggressive. Compliant firstborns tend to be good students, pleasers, and sacrificers whereas aggressive firstborns tend to be strong-willed high achievers that need to be “queen/king” bee (Leman 1999, 81-82). Typical traits of firstborns include leadership ability, aggressiveness, compliance, perfectionism, organization, ambition, patience, and conscientiousness (Leman 1999, 81-82). 

Based on the traits listed above and the observations of my own students, we might surmise that firstborns are likely to do the following in the private lesson: 

  • Practice regularly 
  • Take care of younger siblings in the lesson time
  • Follow a practice chart
  • Practice because their parents asked them to 
  • Be highly organized with their materials
  • Be a perfectionist regarding lesson activities and their own playing
  • Be involved with highly academic classes at school and/or multiple activities 

In the group class lesson, firstborns might: 

  • Show leadership by wanting to lead pieces or help with the class activities 
  • Be on time and ready to play 
  • Follow directions consistently from the teacher
  • Follow the class rules
  • Show their parent what they did 

In a performance situation, firstborns might:

  • Show up early and get ready to play with their materials in place 
  • Be willing to get on stage as per their “duty” of setting the example 
  • Follow directions from the leaders/instructors 

I once had a typical firstborn in my studio—always on time, ready to play, and prepared with the materials for the lesson with a successful week of practice behind her. It was a dream! But as lovely as these traits may seem in the studio, the flip side is that firstborns may lack a sense of spontaneity. As a music teacher, I believe it is my responsibility to develop a well-rounded student. This includes not only helping the student to establish daily practice routines but also instilling traits such as adaptability, spontaneity, and dealing with the unexpected (because nothing unexpected ever happens in performances!). To help develop these traits, this firstborn student and I would come up with stories for her piece on the spot, change the routine in the lesson here and there such as by sight-reading at random, and make up exercises for pieces. We would also talk a lot about the music and what this student enjoyed about playing her violin, instead of primarily focusing on the element of practice which this student would do out of duty regardless.

Teaching middleborns

Middle children’s birth order can result in their “feeling they were born too late to get the privileges and special treatment the firstborn seemed to inherit by right” (Leman 1999, 150).  Middleborns may feel left out or ignored, so they often become more social since friends make them feel special (Leman 1999, 149-50, 155). Middleborns often leave home the quickest, can become great mediators, and are mentally tough and independent (Leman 1999, 155-56).

In the private lesson, middleborns might: 

  • Want to chat with the teacher
  • Lack the urgency to get things ready for the lesson
  • Have an inconsistent practice schedule 
  • Be driven to play music for other reasons than to please the parent 
  • Be mostly organized with their lesson materials

In the group class lesson, middleborns might: 

  • Be the “chatty Kathys” in the group 
  • Play while the teacher is talking 
  • Seem to be more frivolous and fun (compared to firstborns) 

In a performance situation, middleborns might: 

  • Be quasi-listening to directions from the teacher/leader
  • Be okay with getting on stage and playing music because their friends are there
  • Not be confident playing solos due to low self-esteem

In my experience, middleborns seem to show their traits most often in group classes. I had one particular student who would take her time getting ready for group class and then very intentionally go sit next to her friend. I knew this middleborn student to be a bit chatty and disruptive to group class so I would circumvent her ploy by placing another student in between the friends. I’ve discovered that with middleborns, it’s best to anticipate their behaviors before they might happen and to have a plan in mind, such as separating friends, so as to create the best environment for all students. 

Teaching lastborns

Last borns love the limelight and are typically outgoing, personable, affectionate, carefree, adventurous, funny, and sometimes absent-minded (Leman 1999, 155-56). However, last borns may also be rebellious, temperamental, manipulative, spoiled, impatient, and  “instinctively know and understand that their knowledge and ability carry far less weight than that of their older brothers and sisters” (Leman 1999, 171). In addition, lastborns tend to take more risks than firstborns which often leads to artistic or entrepreneurial careers (Kluger & Cray 2007, 48).

In the private lesson, last borns might: 

  • Want to chat with the teacher
  • Make jokes 
  • Charm the teacher into playing a game, playing faster, etc
  • Lack the urgency to get things ready for the lesson
  • Have an inconsistent practice schedule 
  • Be driven to play music for fun 
  • Be absent-minded when it comes to what was practiced

In the group class lesson, last borns might: 

  • Be the “class clown” in the group 
  • Play/talk while the teacher is playing/talking 
  • Be attention-seeking in other ways
  • Seem to be more adventurous with what they try out in group class and/or volunteer for activities regularly 
  • Take their time getting their instrument/equipment ready or rely on a parent to do so
  • Be forgetful about what needs to be brought to class

In a performance situation, the last borns might: 

  • Be talking to their friends instead of getting ready to play 
  • Be quasi-listening to directions from the teacher/leader 
  • Clown backstage
  • Be quite content to get on stage and perform   
  • Have an “I’ll show them what I can do” attitude

Last borns are the easiest to spot in performance situations when students hit the limelight. They are often super confident trouncing to their position and may smile the whole way there. A previous last-born student of mine never mentioned having butterflies in her stomach, loved to perform, and couldn’t wait until the next recital. Well … although no fear might be had, sometimes last borns are the last to practice and we have to work with them on preparing for that performance they love so much. In the lesson, we often dig out practice charts, talk about consistency and cooperation, play lots of games in the lesson, and have lots of pep talks about working at home with the practice partner. 

Teaching only children 

“Lonely onlies” have never had to compete with siblings for attention or resources and therefore may be a bit self-centered by default (Leman 1999, 131). They are often seen as confident, articulate, and “on top of things” but can actually be hiding feelings of inferiority and always trying to prove they are good enough (Leman 1999, 131).

In the private lesson, only children might: 

  • Want to get down to business with lesson material 
  • Not be very chatty  
  • Have a consistent practice schedule 
  • Get easily distracted by any lesson interruptions  
  • Be a perfectionist and might need some confidence-boosting pep talks
  • Need to develop a growth mindset 

In the group class lesson, only children might: 

  • Be seemingly withdrawn or the opposite: outspoken and attention-seeking 
  • Not understand how to take turns 
  • Be engaged in the class material and want to do well 
  • Take a while to get ready just to get everything “right”
  • Need more encouragement in listening to and respecting others

In a performance situation, only children might: 

  • Be observing the scene 
  • Be ready to play on time 
  • Not enjoy getting on stage to perform but will do it
  • Be listening to directions from the teacher/leader 
  • Need encouragement in listening to others 

Teaching an only child is kind of like teaching a firstborn. In the case of these “lonely onlies,” sometimes it is the parent that I have to teach. Parents must realize that their only child is part of a community of children in their Suzuki program. In the past, when organizing concerts or events or classes, it was often the parent of an only child whom I would end up clarifying the reasons for a particular format with, explaining that we had considered all of the children involved in order to optimize the experience.

Conclusion

“The position in the family leaves an indelible stamp on the style of life” (Ernst & Angst 1985, 164), providing an unequivocal environment from which to observe behavioral traits. Although birth order traits are not an exact science, they may provide another pathway toward understanding our students. If we can predict some behaviors based on birth order, we may be able to shape our lesson plans and performance experiences more optimally for our students.

References

Ernst, Cecile, and Angst, Jules. Birth Order and Its Influence on Personality. Springer, 1985.

Leman, Kevin. The New Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are. Michigan: Fleming Revell, 1999.

Kluger, Jeffrey, and Cray, Dan. “The Power of Birth Order.” 2007.

Wu, Kaidi, Kim, Jacqueline, Nagata, Donna, and Kim, Stephanie. Perceptions of Sibling Relationships and Birth Order among Asian American and European American Emerging Adults. J Fam Issues. 2018 Sep; 39(13): 3641–3663. Published online 2018 Jul 11. doi: 10.1177/0192513X18783465